TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
