She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
