No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
