I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
