I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
