He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
