He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
