I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
