Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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