i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
