At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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