Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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