that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
