And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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