She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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