Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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