party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
