This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he thought i was a dude.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
