So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drake has all the answers
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
