i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
