you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
