I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
