if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
