I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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