Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
