yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
