i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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