I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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