Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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