I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize