Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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