I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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