I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
