I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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