Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize