Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
