your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
