we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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