Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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