I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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