Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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