Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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