i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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