Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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