He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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