so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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