come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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