I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
