i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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