My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
