can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
