I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
