Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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