girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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