I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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