Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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