worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
