i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
