Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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