it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
