i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
