just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
