Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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