He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
