a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
