your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
