my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
