we should wear snuggies to the strip club
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
