im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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