doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my shit smells like andre
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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