i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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